I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
