dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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