Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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