My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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