You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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