i love accidental penises.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
