Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
you never un-have a 4some
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
