I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They took my balls.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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