my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
