After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
