My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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