I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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