oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
its liver damage thursday
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
