Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize