he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
