I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
