weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
