I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
