I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
