we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
