i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
