I'm lost and stupid without you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
