the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
