well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
