My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
