every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize