So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
