i need an iv and a liver transplant
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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