I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
