Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
