He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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