I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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