How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
