Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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