did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I've blown a few things in my day
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
