nut hugger
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
