This is not my ceiling
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
