He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
