I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
