glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
