So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
