This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
