There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize