you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize