Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
