for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
