I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The air was thick with penises
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
