Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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