He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
