Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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