did you get engaged???
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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