apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
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I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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