You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
