Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
