Only a mothe r could love this liver
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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