at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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