her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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