i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
