I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
