hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
