ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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