mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
