Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.