Texts From Last Night

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  (890): View more from

  whats a polygalesbian?

  (728): View more from

  lesbian polygamists..duh.

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  (890): whats a polygalesbian? (728): lesbian polygamists..duh. http://tfl.nu/paij
  Replies (4) Good night (1166) Bad night (512)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.

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  (312): I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room. http://tfl.nu/qbvq
  Replies (45) Good night (1428) Bad night (4034)
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  (951): View more from California

  Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.

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  (951): Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor. http://tfl.nu/e2p4
  Replies (13) Good night (8696) Bad night (1006)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

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  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (40) Good night (14678) Bad night (1103)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.

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  (832): We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page. http://tfl.nu/lhck
  Replies (12) Good night (4392) Bad night (924)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?

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  (404): we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition? http://tfl.nu/nsp8
  Replies (8) Good night (5845) Bad night (986)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.

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  (812): Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI. http://tfl.nu/yhyp
  Replies (5) Good night (1944) Bad night (886)
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  (714): View more from California

  He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.

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  (714): He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/xpcu
  Replies (8) Good night (2534) Bad night (919)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"

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  (215): You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance" http://tfl.nu/4bfe
  Replies (1) Good night (2080) Bad night (756)
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  (408): View more from California

  I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.

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  (408): I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation. http://tfl.nu/jzil
  Replies (6) Good night (1384) Bad night (796)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off

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  (360): The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off http://tfl.nu/wmpp
  Replies (4) Good night (554) Bad night (1702)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus

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  (215): I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus http://tfl.nu/7gt9
  Replies (5) Good night (1319) Bad night (554)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Steaks?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's Ash Wednesday.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?

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  (267): Steaks? (215): It's Ash Wednesday. (267): If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made? http://tfl.nu/8kzi
  Replies (4) Good night (935) Bad night (328)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?

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  (352): But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door? http://tfl.nu/ozrv
  Replies (3) Good night (793) Bad night (321)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.

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  (515): If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting. http://tfl.nu/i2k9
  Replies (0) Good night (389) Bad night (232)

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