:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
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I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
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Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.