My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
