Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
