My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
