he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
