I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
