i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
