so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
