Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
