love makes seman taste better
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
