you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
that is very illegal...i love you.
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